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I am a lot of things, wife, sister, friend, and aunt but most of all I am a grieving mother of a lost baby girl taken too soon.  This blog is my way of venting and surviving.  I'm trying to find my way back to funny, sarcastic, and happy but it's quite a journey.

Monday, October 6, 2014

My anger defines me


What is anger?

·         The definition of anger is a normal emotion with a wide range of intensity, from mild irritation and frustration to rage. It is a reaction to a perceived threat to ourselves, our loved ones, our property, our self-image, or some part of our identity. Anger is a warning bell that tells us that something is wrong.

With that said, I AM ANGRY!

I am angry at the hospital, They did more wrong than they did right.  From misdiagnosing me the first day, to making me wait hours upon hours for tests, to not letting us spend our 20 minutes with Lydia and having me on a completely wrong floor that didn’t have the tools to deliver our baby. 

You hear that NEW ENGLAND MEDICAL CENTER

I AM ANGRY!

I am angry that this happened to us.  That Kevin has to wait to be the great daddy that I know he will be.  That bad things seem to happen to good people.  To us. 

I AM ANGRY!

I am angry that pregnancy seems to be easy for other people.  They get to go home with their babies.  Even people that shouldn’t have babies get them.  Yet, we don’t?

I AM ANGRY!

The complete definition of why people get angry defines me.  I feel intense anger, rage, and frustration that my loved one was hurt.  My self image was destroyed by being made aware that I am not as strong as I thought I was.  That my body betrays me.  My identity went from being a mother of a loving, breathing, alive baby girl to the identity of a grieving, crushed mother of an angel baby.  Of course there is something wrong with that. 

2 comments:

  1. I am angry too. For you, me, and all the other countless women and couples that have experienced losses and grief as we have. It's just not fair. And, I am angry to wake up today to yet *another* celebrity pregnancy announcement, WTF Blake Lively and Ryan Reynolds. I am so sick of "news outlets" like People glamorizing this and putting it all out there. What about people like us who feel incredibly sad, angry and inferior when news like this breaks?!?! UGH!

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  2. Its funny that you say this about Blake Lively and Ryan Reynolds because that was actually one of the resons for this post. I came in to read the news and saw this, causing a rant of anger. It seems like everyone on my facebook and the news is getting pregnant. Although I am happy for everyone that gets their happy moment it does make me sad that we havent gotten ours.

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