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I am a lot of things, wife, sister, friend, and aunt but most of all I am a grieving mother of a lost baby girl taken too soon.  This blog is my way of venting and surviving.  I'm trying to find my way back to funny, sarcastic, and happy but it's quite a journey.

Wednesday, October 22, 2014

Love and Marriage

Today rather than think about Lydia and be sad that we didn't get to keep her, I thought about kevin and...Our Marriage

Since the loss of Lydia Kevin and I have changed as people, as a couple.  I have said before that the loss of Lydia has brought us together and given us a new appreciation for eachother.  In the interest of keeping things that way I have done some reading on marriages.  On how to keep things alive and not so sad and ordinary all the time. With the overwhelming amount of divorces today I really want to know how the couples that have been together for 50+ years do it. 

One of the articles I read The day I realized I was no longer the women my husband married by: Traci Bild she talks about the person she was while dating her husband.  How she was fun, funny, charming and he loved that about her. She said that after being married she turned into someone that had a mile long to do list and couldn't get around to make time for him or THEM.  Reading this article made me realize 2 things. 

1. Kevin and I dont actually fall into this category
2. I want to prevent this from happening NOW not when it's already happening

In her article she talks about how to keep things going and keep you both happy.  Here are some of the things I found and how I intend to imput them into my own marriage.  Maybe some of you reading this would like to know some of this too. It seems common to lose touch with your partner after a loss like ours.  Something completely earth shattering, that you leave it a completely different person.  So maybe this will help us not focus just on our fertility and loss but help focus on our lives and marriages as a whole.
1. Offer compliments! Make an effort to compliment your partner every day. The goal is to focus on your own behaviors and see where they take you. Compliments such as "Thanks for trimming the trees today, they look great," or "You look gorgeous!" will change the tone of your relationship. So I plan to thank Kevin for all of the things he does for me.  For example: Every time we go grocery shopping he carries in all of the groceries.  He always says "I'll get them go inside" Or when its raining out, he ALWAYS gets the car so I don't have to walk in the rain.  I never have to ask.  He just does it.  I notice now that this is rare.  And so awesome to have! I plan on telling him more rather than expecting it. 

Spend time alone.Consider making date night a weekly norm.-Kevin and I actually do really great at this.  We do not have any kids so it may be easier for us than some but, we usually go out atleast once a week and do something we both like.  Usually trivia or something at a local bar.  (When I'm pregnant this will have to change)

Make it fun! Make a vow: No dinner and a movie dates! When dating, odds are you and your husband did things that were fun. Try new and interesting things like playing racquetball or going bowling, take a cooking class together or hitting a theme park and riding roller coasters! Does this take work? Yes, but it's worth the effort.- Kevin and I used to take a dance class that surprisingly we both really enjoyed (he did protest at first, but he liked that he was better than I am at it) So I'm going to sign us up for classes again.  It helped us work together as a team and it really helped us learn how to communicate.
Create new habits. While it's easy to try these ideas once or twice, the truth is you have to put in real effort and be consistent if you want to see results. Our society is all about immediate gratification, but in this case, you have to work for it. The question to ask is, "Is my relationship worth it?" Compliment your man daily, give him a solid 20 minutes of you time every day, plan weekly date nights and have some good old-fashioned fun. ABSOLUTELY  Kevin is worth this.  Not only is Kevin worth this, I am worth this, Our marriage is worth this. 
Don't get me wrong this post or my reading about this subject is nowhere close to an indication that anything is wrong with my marriage on my end or Kevin's but, the fact is I don't ever want their to be anything wrong with our marriage.  After the loss of Lydia I have realized that life is to short  not to make the best out of all the good things you have.   I have a kick ass husband and a great marriage, I want to keep it that way. 
Here's a pic of my hero, my rock, my geek, my hubby and my baby daddy..I'm a lucky girl...Ps. He doesn't read my blog but if he did he would totally make me take this down :)

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