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I am a lot of things, wife, sister, friend, and aunt but most of all I am a grieving mother of a lost baby girl taken too soon.  This blog is my way of venting and surviving.  I'm trying to find my way back to funny, sarcastic, and happy but it's quite a journey.

Wednesday, October 29, 2014

Fetal Demise

After several months of waiting finally  the malpractice lawyer got back to us today and suddenly I feel like I have been kicked in the gut AGAIN!

I wish I never answered my phone. 
After reading my records she is certain that the doctors are leaving out facts but she determined that the care that I received can't be proven to have been the reason for the "fetal demise". It would be too much of an "UP HILL BATTLE."

So many things piss me off about this conversation. The fact that the phrase "Fetal demise" was used when talking to me, was enough to make me want to scream. Then to be told that my daughter’s death was "to much of an uphill battle" was like saying "not worth trying" So to her Lydia's life is not worth the time.

Apparently in malpractice lawsuits you need to prove two things:

  • The care you received was negligent
  • That negligent care caused a harmful outcome that wouldnt have happened otherwise    

Well you would think that "Fetal Demise" was the cause of negligent care. Apparently because Lydia's death was due to being premature and not due to injuries sustained during my surgery it wasn't enough to prove negligent care.

She then went on to tell me that in overweight women it is very difficult to diagnose an appendix rupture during pregnancy. For the record, I am over weight but I am not like 400lbs. To me this is ridiculous and should never matter. What should matter is the fact that I should have been tested the first day I went to the hospital. I should have had a fetal heart monitor the entire time I was in the hospital. And I should have been on a different floor, One that could physically deliver a baby and Tufts shouldn't have had a toddler nurse taking care of a high risk patient.

Instead, I was stuck in the waiting room for hours, sent home with Ambien and told I had the flu! Then when I came back a second time, had emergency surgery, they still didn’t take things seriously and didn’t have anything on me to determine when I was going into labor. Topped with a nurse that looked like she was barely out of high school. Do people not see that Lydia's death was not only "fetal demise" but was the demise of me, Kevin and any hope of a normal happy life? Does that not matter?

When she talked about my weight being a factor, what I heard was "If you were skinnier this may have been able to be proven or even prevented" I know that's not what she said but it doesn't make that fact any easier to take in. I suddenly felt like she was telling me Lydia's death was my fault.

None of these things make sense to me and it is becoming more and more clear that we will just have to live with having no answers. I will have to find peace in Lydia's memory and know that we tried to find justice for her. We could get a second opinion but honestly I truly do not see it going any other way. Other lawyers may feel differently about our case but to keep dragging up all of these feelings over and over again is not going to help us. It's time for us to focus on healing. We only wanted an apology and for them to aknowledge that they did something wrong. 
 Lydia's gone, we can't bring her back, and dragging this up every few months doesn't help us cope. In fact, it just makes me worse.


  1. I am so sorry they used that terrible term - "fetal demise." They always have such silly terminology - the one they used on me recently was "products of conception" and that made me mad, my baby was a BABY not a product. Ugh.
    I'm sorry you are having such a hard time. And yes, dredging it up often can make things worse at times. I wish I had some words of wisdom for you, but all I can do is offer you support and let you know you are not alone. I have felt all of these things.
    Also, for some reason I thought everything happened at New England Medical Center, but now I remember you mentioning your doctor was from Tufts. Seems like Tufts has been bad luck for both of us. My new doctor that I am going to is out of South Shore Hospital. I'm hoping it will be a good change in luck for me.

  2. The terminology they use is just awful. You would think with miscarriage and still birth being as common as it is that they would think of it differently and not use such awful words. Everything for me happened at new england medical center. Just recently they have switched and are called Tufts medical center. I hope your new doctor brings you better luck and does a good job at being there for you. I feel like a lot of doctors think pregnancy is a pregnancy and done every day but don't realize what a pregnancy is for people like you and me. People that have struggled to get there and because of what we have been through are going to be nervous. I hope to hear that you have a great doctor that takes your worries away for you.