Wednesday, September 17, 2014
He grieves in silence
Even though the loss of Lydia is something that Kevin and I share I will say that the grieving process is very different. When they say men are from Venus and women are from Mars that applies to the way both sexes grieve as well. I have noticed this first hand. It is much more socially acceptable for a mother to write and talk about how she misses her baby.
Men are less verbal than women by nature, my husband is even less verbal than most. This makes it much more difficult for people to see that he’s hurting too. Often time’s people will ask him “How is your wife holding up” he always politely responds and moves on with his day. He quickly mentions it at home to let me know someone was asking about me. But, when I think about it, I think how much that must suck for him! How very little it seems like people outside of our immediate support system, ask about him. He is going through the same loss. Only, he is forced to grieve in silence.
A man who loses a child loses a large part of his dreams. He grieves what could or should have been. I think fathers of girls daydream about walking their daughter down the aisle and dancing that first dance at the wedding. They think about how they will be forced to play dolls and dress up just to see their little girls smile. They dream about taking care of their family, and seeing themselves in someone else. Wiping tears away, and feeling like a hero because of the way their little girl looks at them.
I try to remember that even though Kevin didn’t carry Lydia in his body that she was just as much a part of him as she was me. I at least got to feel her grow inside me for 6 months.