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I am a lot of things, wife, sister, friend, and aunt but most of all I am a grieving mother of a lost baby girl taken too soon.  This blog is my way of venting and surviving.  I'm trying to find my way back to funny, sarcastic, and happy but it's quite a journey.

Friday, September 5, 2014

Every day is different

Every day is different except one thing.....

Every day Lydia is the first thing I think about when I wake up and the last thing I think about before I go to bed.  Some days shes also my everything in between.  Those are the worst days.  On those days I just want to stay in bed.  But I dont.  I wake up, I shower, I try to eat, and remind myself that tomorrow is a new day and....

Every day is different

On good days I only think about her a 100 times instead of a million.  On good days there are no pregnant women, babies, or baby pictures or announcements on facebook.  On good days you get a peaceful date with your husband, one that you dont talk about how sad you are.  A day that you watch a movie and completely forget your life problems.  Those days are rare. 

If something like this happens to you, you learn real quick how to make excuses not to do things or go places. You try not to answer your phone.  You learn the look of sad eyes and sympathy.  You hear the whispers of concerned friends and family.  You learn your triggers and usually know pretty quickly in the morning what kind of day it is going to be but then again....

Every day is different

Sometimes the only thing that goes through my head is having another baby.  What I would call him/her.  What they would be like.  How fun it will be. Will he/she look like me? Or will they look like Kevin.  These, are good days.  These are the days I feel like life will go on.  These are the days I feel semi normal and then, there's tomorrow and...

Every day is different

Tomorrow could be a bad day! Tomorrow someone can try to relate to me and totally not get it, say something completely stupid and make me wonder why I even bother talking to them, Tomorrow I could be walking down the street and run into a day care group pulling their baby carriages down the street, Tomorrow I could see a pregnant women rubbing her pregnant belly, ear to ear with a smile.  Or worse see some teenage girl thats pregnant and doing something stupid because she takes for granted what she is about to have. Tomorrow, could be one of those days I choke back my tears just to leave my house.  Tomorrow, could be a BAD DAY! But who knows...

Every day is different!

1 comment:

  1. I had my son Christian on August 11th at 33 weeks he was born an angel baby. Your completely correct everyday is different I 100% understand what your going through. Seems like everyone has "a story" they think will make you feel better they says it gets better in time. We'll they are wrong things will never be the same :-(

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