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I am a lot of things, wife, sister, friend, and aunt but most of all I am a grieving mother of a lost baby girl taken too soon.  This blog is my way of venting and surviving.  I'm trying to find my way back to funny, sarcastic, and happy but it's quite a journey.

Friday, September 5, 2014

Above and beyond

  Some people in our lives have gone above and beyond anything we could have ever expected.  Some, have let us down more than I could have ever imaged.  I am actually thankful for both.  Neither Kevin or I will ever take our friendships or our relationship with eachother for granted again.  We now know the true importance of a good support system.  We know who is there, and who is not.  I know where and with who I want to spend my time with.  And during all of this I have realized that friendships, relationships and family are a lot of work and I should only be putting that  effort into people that deserve it.  People that are there for us when we need them.   People that matter to us. 

This has shown me (As if I didnt know enough before) Kevin is my rock.  Without him, I probably wouldnt have gone through test after test, had tubes put in my stomach to take out the infections, Seen a therapist, or to be honest, made it out of the hospital at all.  I would have given up.  He made me fight.  The thought of causing him anymore pain made  dealing with my pain a little more bearable.  Our marriage is stronger every day because of this bond we have over Lydia.  Don't get me wrong, I wish it were different and that Lydia was here.  But maybe, this bond was her gift to us.  A way to remember that we can over come anything together.  Atleast that's how I want to think of it. 

So many people have shown us what family and friendship is about. Kevin and I got nearly 100 cards and dozens of emails from family and friends and even practical strangers letting us know they care.  I came home from the hospital both times I was admitted, to a house full of flowers and baskets of sweets.  People dropped off dinners, and I once came home from my doctors appointment to my garden completely done over.  People have shown my family more kindness then ever imagineable.  It's easy to be a friend or a good relative when things are going well. It's not so easy sitting by and watching a loved one in pain. 

During a time that your hurting so bad, it's easy to be mad at the world.  To hate everyone and everything.  But for me, it opened my eyes to the people we are surrounded by. People that are there during the good and the bad.  People like my sister Kelly that sat by my side every day and every night reminding me of a what a strong women does when she has to.  My neice, who took the train, after working 8 hours and taking care of a 4 year old every day, to the point where I had to tell her to stay home. My mother in law who was there reminding me what you do for your babies, even when their not babies anymore.  My father in law and step mother in law that stepped in and took care of all the arrangements so that we didnt have to worry. And countless friends and other family members that kept calling to check on us day in and day out.  For all of these people, they know who they are, we are truly greatful.  They all continue to keep us going. 

The point of this post is that even when everything seems to be to much, that you cant go on, look around.  There are people that will teach you things even on the darkest day.  Your support system really has the power to make or break you.  If you find yourself surrounded by people that care, you truly can get through anything.  If you find yourself surrounded by selfishness, then take a double look and maybe its time to reevaluate who you have in your life. That is what I am trying to take away from all of this. 

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