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I am a lot of things, wife, sister, friend, and aunt but most of all I am a grieving mother of a lost baby girl taken too soon.  This blog is my way of venting and surviving.  I'm trying to find my way back to funny, sarcastic, and happy but it's quite a journey.

Monday, November 10, 2014

only 19 more days


A few weeks ago I gave my notice and decided my last day is December 5th.  It was weird to give my notice. Although I think my boss appreciates my work, and I have done a good job, he didn’t even seem to flinch when I gave my notice.  It was like no big deal at all. Not that I would have wanted or expected him to beg me to stay but, show some kind of reaction.  Say something like “Oh, I’m sorry to see you go” After all, I have been employed with him for  7 years.  That is most of my adult career at one job, with him as my boss.   Giving my notice went a little like breaking up with a boy that you thought was way more into you than you him and saying “it’s not you it’s me” and having him say “your right it is you” This was not at all how expected things to go.

Now more than ever I don’t want to be there.  I can barely get myself there in the morning.  But I go and I remind myself that only 19 more days and I won’t have to.  In 19 more days I will be home.  A semi -house wife.  I will be working part time taking care of my friend’s daughter , which I’m sure will have it’s own up’s and downs but, I will be able to enjoy life again.  Do something I like. I will not be in the office environment anymore.  I can start fresh and rejuvenate.  I realize this is odd for a 31 year old woman with no kids.  And I am very thankful that Kevin and I can make this adjustment. I truly believe this will be best for both of us. Not in a selfish way either.  Right now we only have one car and Kevin has to drive me an hour, sometimes an hour and a half, only to then have to drive himself another 45 minutes.  Both Ways! That’s 3 hours traveling!!! In 19 days no more awful city traffic, to get to a job I no longer enjoy, to sit in worse traffic going home, then to eat dinner at 8pm and go to sleep, only to start it all over again. 

The word has gotten out around the office that I am leaving.  And I have had a bunch of questions on where I will be going.  I have been saying “oh I’ll be taking care of my friend’s daughter”It seems like people kind of look at me funny.  To be fair, a lot of people don’t know the story of Lydia.  And at 6 months pregnant I still wasn’t really showing so most people didn’t’ even know about her at all.  So they truly do not understand my reasoning for leaving.  But I just want to say to people that ask, “do I seem ok to you?” “do you think I seem like myself?” 

Even my boss asked today how the job hunt is going.  I replied with “what job hunt” nobody  besides me see’s or understands that I should have NEVER come back.  I was not ready, I am not ready, I need to take care of myself.  Life it too short to not take care of yourself both physically and mentally.  I can’t keep on pretending to care about pointless stuff and I don’t want to anymore.  You should work to live not live to work. 

7 comments:

  1. Hoping for the best in this change for you.19 days isn't that long!

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  2. So glad that you are doing this for yourself. You are right, you need to look out for yourself and take care of yourself first. Don't worry about people looking at you funny - you don't owe them an explanation. Take this opportunity and run with it. I hope the 19 days fly by, and that you enjoy being a semi housewife :)

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  3. Thank you. I'm very lucky to be able to take some time and just work on getting better and being happier.

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  4. Hi, I stopped by from the November NaBloPoMo list. I'm so sorry for your loss.

    Wow, 7 years and your boss acted like it was no big deal when you put your notice in. That sucks :( I don't blame you for wanting to be done with it already.

    I wish I could have taken the time I needed to get myself back mentally and emotionally (and physically) once I came out of the shock of it all. I hope that being a semi-housewife helps and that the next 19 (now 18!) days go by fast for you.

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  5. Oh YES to this: "Life it too short to not take care of yourself both physically and mentally." I'm glad you were able to give notice (even if the reaction was surprising) and that you'll be out of there soon. And that more healing comes after that.

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  6. Wishing you the very best. I quit my job after my first ectopic pregnancy. I'd been looking for an excuse to leave for a long time, and that was it. I haven't regretted it. Told people I was looking for new challenges, and wanted to reinvent myself. I've never regretted it. (Even though ten years later I'm still trying to reinvent myself!) Good luck.

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  7. Thank you all for the words of encouragement. I think leaving will end up being the best thing. I really hope that I take something positive out of everything that has happened. So if leaving my job to find something that makes me happy is it then I plan on embracing it and doing things to better myself, my house, and my life with Kevin.

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