How I cope

Recently I've been connecting with a few other mother's that have experienced loss.  I have been how I cope with the loss of Lydia.  I feel as thought it took me a long time to get in this place. So, I thought I would write about how I've been coping here. 

The most helpful thing that I have used to cope is writing. I write this blog, I write about her on facebook, Sometimes I write in Lydia's baby book, but the most helpful is her email.  I haven't written this on here before now but, When I was pregnant Kevin and I set up an email account for Lydia.  We wrote to it often and we gave the email to family and friends. We sent pictures, wrote about our daily lives, and we told her all about our pregnancy with her. We had hoped that someday, we would give her the password and she could read about how we loved her even before she was born.  I wrote about details so when she got older, and asked health related questions, I would have answers. Which is actually really important to me because I wish I had some answers to things during my pregnancy. 

Now, obviously we can't give Lydia the password but, that doesn't stop us from writing to her.  We still write to her as much as we can. It's a little harder because we miss her so much and we will know she will never get to read them.  But we do.  We tell her stories and tell her we miss her.  We remind her that she is never forgotten.  Someday hopefully we will have other children and we will do the same for them.  Then, when they are old enough, I will give them the password to Lydia's account as well.  I want them to know about their sister, how much we loved her, and essentially that she was a big part of how Kevin and I raised them (as I'm sure this will be the case).  I want them to know the love we had for the sister they never got to meet.

But, until then, I write to her because it helps me. It helps to know that if something was to ever happen to Kevin or I, these emails are there, out in cyber space.  And someday down the line someone will read them and know all about the baby we never got to keep but loved just the same.