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I am a lot of things, wife, sister, friend, and aunt but most of all I am a grieving mother of a lost baby girl taken too soon.  This blog is my way of venting and surviving.  I'm trying to find my way back to funny, sarcastic, and happy but it's quite a journey.

Tuesday, January 13, 2015

Change isnt easy

Quitting your job and changing your life isn't as easy as it sounds.  If you look back at a posts from a few months ago you will see I didn't always feel this way.  You will see that I once believed that my problems were once blamed on not having enough time and being forced to go back to work before I was ready.  Well, today is a new day.  I no longer see that as my problem.  And I know truly know the meaning of the grass is always greener on the other side.  For me, that is now true.

I'm not as good at this "house wife" thing as I thought Iwould be.  I thought that cooking and cleaning wouldnt be to bad.  Little did I know is that there is always SOMETHING in the house to do. It seems lately I have less motivation to do house hold chores.  Then, the less I do the more of a failure I feel like.  Lately I feel like I can't do anything right.  I can't find a new job because I get intimidated by going back on interviews,  I cant always clean the house because I feel like I should do more, Then theres the underlining problem of some day I just cant get out of bed.  I hate doing it all.  I just want to be alone.

When feelings like this hit I feel more like a failure.  Kevin does so much.  He works hard for us and suffers through all of the pain I'm sure he feels.  He doesn't have an option of saying "I'm not getting out of bed today"  And I know how unfair it is.

I hope this feeling passes.  I hope that I gain the ability to find my nitch, weather back at work or finding out how to make this "semi house wife" thing work.

1 comment:

  1. I'm sorry you are having a tough time adjusting. But, you are not a failure! You are doing the best you can to deal with a situation you never wanted or asked for, so had no time to prepare.
    And I agree, interviewing is intimidating! I don't like it either.

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